What I Want

Dr. Lerner's voice wakes me with the word
malignant. I want Vic. He comes, squeezes
my hands, strokes my face, kisses my lips
The future takes a new shape
A mastectomy. A biopsy
of the other breast. Chemotherapy
Perhaps another mastectomy

Back home, I write letters for refunds
on our summer vacation to Europe
buy nightgowns that button in front
arrange insurance, pay lab bills

Today, I wake
wanting the pumpkin muffin I bought
yesterday at Sarabeth's. It isn't there
and there's nothing else I want to eat
I want to kill someone
The black shirt I want to wear
to the doctor's office isn't
in my closet, any drawer, the hamper

The world's not keeping things safe
The world's taking away what I want